Episode 57 - Beyond Happy Death Day 2U

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond Happy Death Day 2U

IMDB Synopsis

Written and Directed by: Christopher Landon

Released: 2019


Rule: Don’t fuck with college students.

Quote: Do I look like someone who knows what a multiverse is?

Honorable Mention Quote: This sucks the biggest megaballs in the history of ball sucker!

Poll: What the fuck is up with fake Ryan?

 

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Episode 56 - Beyond Alien

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond Alien

Weyland-Yutani: Building a better world.

We’re goin iconic with this one. Ridley Scott’s Alien.

According to Polterguide Mac, Nostromo is an Italian word for “Our captain is a fucking idiot.” None of the Polterguides can disagree.  

Dumb white guy/smart white chick, that’s a movie!

#MouthPenes!

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: Ridley Scott

Written by: Dan O'Bannon and Ronald Shusett

Released: 1979


Quote:

Priority One

Ensure return of organism for analysis

All other considerations secondary

Crew Expendable

 Poll: Is this a haunted house movie in space? Or a monster movie in space?

 Rule: Listen to/believe women.

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Episode 55 - Beyond Fright Night (1985)

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond Fright Night (1985)

Dracula Suite

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: Tom Holland

Written by: Tom Holland

Released: 1985


Quote: You have to have faith for that to work on me, Mr. Vincent

Poll 1: Which Dracula Characters do the Fright night Characters correspond to?

Poll 2: Who would your Peter Vincent be?

Poll 3: Rank the Dracs

Rule: Be Evil

 

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Episode 54 - Beyond Bram Stoker's Dracula

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond Bram Stoker’s Dracula

Dracula Suite

#vampipe

#tap_tap_tap_ding_shook

#how_typewriter_porn_works

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: Francis Ford Coppola

Written by: James V. Hart

Released: 1992


Quote: I just want to cut off her head and take out her heart.

Poll: If  you were Jonathan Harker, at what point would you have cut and run?

Rule: Couples need to have clear communication at all times.

 

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Episode 53 - Beyond The Horror of Dracula

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond The Horror of Dracula

Dracula Suite

More discussion of Hudson Hawk than you would have anticipated.

 

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: Terence Fisher

Written by: Jimmy Sangster

Released: 1958


Quote: Of course you’re shocked and bewildered!

Poll: How would this story have played out differently if they’d told Mina about Dracula?

Rule: Always kill Dracula first

 

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BONUS - Beyond the Cabin Survived 2018

Your polterguides discuss our favorite movies of 2018, our least favs, and what we’re looking forward to in 2019. Also, we revisit Polterguides Donna’s aversion to sleeping with dead things. Is a hypothetical vampiric Oscar Isaac an exception to the rule? Listen and see!

#Donnadoesntsleepwithdeadthings

#macisnotopposed

#adreanisintoit

Episode 52 - Beyond Dracula (1931)

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond Dracula (1931)

Dracula Suite

Short little episode for our next Dracula Suite outing – 1931’s Dracula. Come for the bat puppet, stay for Bela Lugosi’s intense eyes.

Be sure to stick around for round two of Polterguide Marry/Fuck/Kill!

 

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: Tod Browning

Written by: Bram Stoker, Hamilton Deane, John L. Balderston

Released: 1931


Quote: Wine? I never drink… wine

Poll: Marry/fuck/kill: Dracula, Renfield, Harker

Rule: When the creepy guy envelopes you in his cape, stop trying to sell him a flower!

 

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Episode 51 - Beyond Nosferatu

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond Nosferatu

Dracula Suite

Join your polterguides as they delve into a movie with title cards and music that doesn’t know what’s going on. Also, a movie made in Germany in 1922 has some anti-Semitism? No way! #redwings #accusing_notcosigning

 

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: F.W. Murnau

Written by: Henrick Galeen

Released: 1922


Quote: Is this your wife? What a lovely…. throat

Poll: Would you offer yourself to Nosferatu?

Rule: Don’t forget the day cock!

 

 

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Episode 50 - Beyond Boys in the Trees

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond Boys in the Trees

For Christmas we bring you this episode about friendship.

CONTENT WARNING: there is discussion of suicide, sexual assault, bullying and other challenging subjects in this episode.

Because Merry Christmas?

This homage to the 90’s explores friendship and dreams and childhood. It’s not really a horror movie, no matter what Netflix says, but it’s a good film.

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: Nicholas Verso

Written by: Nicholas Verso

Released: 2016

BIG IMPORTANT SPOILERS IN THE RULE/POLL/QUOTE

STOP READING IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE MOVIE YET


Quote: You can’t have a good story without a dead body.

Poll: When did you realize Jonah was dead?

Rule: Don’t abandon your friend when he needs you.

 

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Episode 49 - Beyond Carrie (1976)

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond Carrie (1976)

The Stephen King Suite

In this episode, we learn where the Polterguides went to high school, how to keep up with pubic hair trends, and that Carrie White is a Targaryen – she destroys her enemies with fire and blood. #70sbush #somuchpubichair

 

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: Brian De Palma

Written by: Lawrence D. Cohen, Stephen King

Released: 1976           


Quote: Here little piggy... I'm gonna bash your little head in, and you don't have to worry about the bomb no more!

Poll 1: Could you have asked your significant other to take Carrie to the prom?

Poll 2: Who were you in high school, Carrie? Sue? Chris?

Rule: Just let it go.

 

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Episode 48 - Beyond Pet Sematary (1989)

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond Pet Sematary (1989)

The Stephen King Suite

We liked this movie but are angry that this is the movie that took Tasha Yar from us.  

 

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: Mary Lambert

Written by: Stephen King

Released: 1989

 

Quote: I played with Jud and I played with Mommy and now I wanna play with you.

Poll: How far back does the Sematary’s plan go?

Rule: Build a fence. If you live on a busy road where deadly fast trucks are zooming by and you can’t see them because them because of tree overgrowth and you’ve got small children who might run into the road without warning, build a fucking fence.

 

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Episode 47 - Beyond Creepshow

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond Creepshow

The Stephen King Suite


Your Polterguides took the opportunity to watch this 1982 anthology classic in a theatre on 35 mm and saved it for you as a special Halloween treat.

 IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: George A. Romero

Written by: Stephen King

Released: 1982


Rules:

Overall: Don’t be an abusive douchebag

Prologue: Be nice to your kids

Father’s Day: Forget your kids; get that cake

The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill: Just because it’s in your front yard doesn’t mean it’s worth anything

Something to Tide You Over: Don’t kill your spouse

The Crate: Kill your spouse as quickly as possible

They’re Creeping Up on You: Cleanliness is next to Godliness

Epilogue: Pick up Trash off the street

 

Quote:

Prologue: That’s why God made fathers, babe.

Father’s Day: Where’s my cake, Bedelia?

The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill: Meteor shit!

Something to Tide You Over: I can hold my breath for a long time!

The Crate: Well, two human beings and Wilma

They’re Creeping Up on You: Go out and fuck somebody, but wear a rubber, everybody’s got the herpes these days.

Poll: Rank the segments

 

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Episode 46 - Beyond Hallowen (2018)

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond Halloween (2018)

We take a break from our Stephen King Suite to give you an early Halloween present! Our take of Halloween (2018)! Listen while your Polterguides fangirl and fanboy all over this return to Haddonfield 40 years later and the badass Strode women.

Also, we discuss movie theatre etiquette and the purpose of the back row.

 

#JamieLeeCurtisISBruceWayne

#LeavingLaurieStrode

#PaulSimonofKillinFolk

 

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: David Gordon Green

Written by: David Gordon Green, Danny McBride, Jeff Fradley

Released: 2018


Quote: Have you ever really liked a girl and just couldn't have her?

Rule: Don’t try to understand Michael Myers

Poll: Do you think Anti-Loomis caused the crash?

 

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Episode 45 - Beyond It (1990)

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond It (1990)

The Stephen King Suite  

Your Polterguides go back to 1990 for the mini-series that spawned generations of clown phobia and one of Tim Curry’s most famous roles.

#johnboysmole

#BarkForUsClownDog!

#AllThingsServeTheBeam

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: Tommy Lee Wallace

Written by: Stephen King, Tommy Lee Wallace, Lawrence D. Cohen

Released: 1990


Quote: I’m a little old for monster-hunting, Bill!

Poll: Do you think the filmmakers knew that part 2 was weaker and they included more Tim Curry to counter-act that?

Rule:

For people in the movie: Don’t be brave.

For people watching the movie: Watch the movie to the end.

 

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Episode 44 - Beyond The Nun

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond The Nun

We take a break from our Stephen King Suite to take a request from a listener.

None of us liked this movie (Thanks, listener!) We do love us some Frenchy, though. Mary points the way or something. Really, we already took the hit. We watched it so you don’t have to!

 IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: Corin Hardy

Written by: Gary Dauberman

Released: 2018


Quote: Holy Mother of God… Frenchy!

Poll: Do you think they were trying to make a serious horror film or a campy horror film?

Rule: If you’re a benevolent, omnipotent deity, maybe don’t require perpetual adoration to keep evil at bay.

 

#demnunstho

 

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Episode 43 - Beyond Kubrick's The Shining, part 2

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond The Shining (1980) in our first two parter episode.

The Stephen King Suite

We pick back up with more discussion of Jack’s typed pages. We engage in a spirited discussion of Jack Torrance’s character. We have opinion’s of Kubrick’s treatment of Shelly Duval. Also, you can really tell who’s a writer and who’s not by how they react to Jack and Wendy!


Quote: You’ve always been the caretaker, sir.

Poll: Just how early in the movie has Jack gone crazy.

Rule: Don’t go rescuing white people who voluntarily check into the hotel for the winter.

 

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Episode 42 - Beyond Kubrick's The Shining, part 1

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond The Shining (1980)

The Stephen King Suite

 The Shining: Love it? Hate it?

…So do your Polterguides.

We had a lot to say about Kubrick’s take on King’s classic novel.

 

Because we suffer for our craft, we also watched the “documentary” Room 237 – which is some crazy crazy stuff.

 

#purplepenes

#fiveboding

#teamKing

#teamKubrick

 

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: Stanley Kubrick

Written by: Stanley Kubrick and Diane Johnson, “based” on the novel by Stephen King

Released: 1980


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Episode 41 - Beyond The Legend of Hell House

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond The Legend of Hell House

The Haunting of the Hell House on the Hill Suite

After watching our fourth “trapped in a haunted house” movie, your Polterguides are ready to talk. Besides discussing Hell House, we thoroughly hash out our werewolf versus vampire preference (Donna’s personal rule: Don’t sleep with dead things).

#MaximumBrit

#Rabies

#justsaynotodeadthings

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: John Hough       

Written by: Richard Matheson

Released: 1973


Quote one: Leave a sample in the jar, please.

Quote two: YOUR MOTHER WAS A BIIIIIIIITCH!

Poll: Rank the Haunting of the Hell House on the Hill Suite

Rule: When you’re staying at a haunted for money, don’t split up, ffs!

 

 

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Episode 40 - Beyond the House on Haunted Hill (1959)

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond The House on Haunted Hill (1959)

The Haunting of the Hell House on the Hill Suite

Take a Femme Fatale, a brave and handsome test pilot, a squirrely dude, a pretty girl, and Vincent Price and what do you get? The campy and fun House on Haunted Hill. Also, a movie credit for a plastic skeleton. Seriously. It’s got it’s own IMDB page.

#vincent_price_is_not_a_terrible_man

#KenziScale

#sizzle_reel_of_despair

 

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: William Castle, Rosemary Horvath (uncredited)

Written by: Robb White

Released: 1959


Quote: They’re coming for me now. And then they’ll come for you.

Poll: How much money would it take for you to spend the night in a haunted house full of strangers.

Rule: There are no ways to kill your spouse and avoid suspicion.

 

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Episode 39 - Beyond The Haunting

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond The Haunting

The Haunting of the Hell House on the Hill Suite

A professor invites two women to spend the night at a haunted house. What could go wrong? All of it. All of it could go wrong. We talk about the not-at-all subtle gayness of Theo, the nimbleness of Russ Tamblyn, the variability of Nell, and the spot-on mustache game of Dr. Markway.

 

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: Robert Wise

Written by: Nelson Gidding, based on the novel by Shirley Jackson

Released: 1963


Quote (Iconic): Whatever walks there, walks alone

Quote (Less iconic, but funnier): I’m coming! I’m coming! Whatever it wants of me, it can have!

Poll: Do you try to like a classic movie because of its classic status?

Rule: Do your homework before spending the night in a haunted house.

 

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Our music was modified from Dementia by Decomentarium and is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution License.
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

 

#beyondthecabininthewoods  #beyondthecabin  #horror, #horrorfan, #horrorfilms, #horrormovies, #horrorfanatic, #horrorjunkie, #currentlywatching, #ilovehorror, #horrorlove, #horrorfamily, #horrorgeek, #horrornerd, #horroraddict #horrorlife, #horrorfreak, #horrorclub, #AdreanMessmer, #DonnaLeahey, #KenziWhala ,#debbiebuchanan, #macboyle #SnarkCasts #gumbiecatnetwork