Episode 59 - Beyond Pet Sematary (2019)

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond Pet Sematary (2019)

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: Kevin Kölsch, Dennis Widmyer

Written by:  Matt Greenberg and Jeff Buhler, based on the book by Stephen King

Released: 2019

Rule: Always always always google a house before you buy it.

Quote: We can turn this around.

Poll: What happens after the movie ends?

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BONUS - Beyond Jordan Peele's Twilight Zone: The Comedian

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond Jordan Peele's Twilight Zone: The Comedian

We hope you enjoy this bonus episode as much as we enjoyed watching this hour of TV.

IMDB Plot Summary

Directed by: Owen Harris

Written by: Alex Rubens

Released: 2019

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Episode 58 - Beyond Us

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond Us

We rushed to get you our take on Jordan Peele’s second movie, so if you haven’t seen it – ALL THE SPOILERS.

We discuss golf gloves, theories on what this movie is really about, and gush about Lupita Nyong'o’s and Winston Duke’s performances.

Go see this movie.

Also, Donna has Resting Glare Face, apparently,

IMDB Plot Summary

Written and directed by: Jordan Peele

Released: 2019

Rule: Don’t wander off

Rule in contention: Don’t live in America

Quote: We’re Americans

Poll: Which one of the Polterguides has been a tethered all along?

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Episode 57 - Beyond Happy Death Day 2U

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond Happy Death Day 2U

IMDB Synopsis

Written and Directed by: Christopher Landon

Released: 2019

Rule: Don’t fuck with college students.

Quote: Do I look like someone who knows what a multiverse is?

Honorable Mention Quote: This sucks the biggest megaballs in the history of ball sucker!

Poll: What the fuck is up with fake Ryan?

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Episode 56 - Beyond Alien

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond Alien

Weyland-Yutani: Building a better world.

We’re goin iconic with this one. Ridley Scott’s Alien.

According to Polterguide Mac, Nostromo is an Italian word for “Our captain is a fucking idiot.” None of the Polterguides can disagree.  

Dumb white guy/smart white chick, that’s a movie!

#MouthPenes!

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: Ridley Scott

Written by: Dan O'Bannon and Ronald Shusett

Released: 1979

Quote:

Priority One

Ensure return of organism for analysis

All other considerations secondary

Crew Expendable

 Poll: Is this a haunted house movie in space? Or a monster movie in space?

 Rule: Listen to/believe women.

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Episode 55 - Beyond Fright Night (1985)

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond Fright Night (1985)

Dracula Suite

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: Tom Holland

Written by: Tom Holland

Released: 1985

Quote: You have to have faith for that to work on me, Mr. Vincent

Poll 1: Which Dracula Characters do the Fright night Characters correspond to?

Poll 2: Who would your Peter Vincent be?

Poll 3: Rank the Dracs

Rule: Be Evil

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Episode 54 - Beyond Bram Stoker's Dracula

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond Bram Stoker’s Dracula

Dracula Suite

#vampipe

#tap_tap_tap_ding_shook

#how_typewriter_porn_works

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: Francis Ford Coppola

Written by: James V. Hart

Released: 1992

Quote: I just want to cut off her head and take out her heart.

Poll: If  you were Jonathan Harker, at what point would you have cut and run?

Rule: Couples need to have clear communication at all times.

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Episode 53 - Beyond The Horror of Dracula

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond The Horror of Dracula

Dracula Suite

More discussion of Hudson Hawk than you would have anticipated.

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: Terence Fisher

Written by: Jimmy Sangster

Released: 1958

Quote: Of course you’re shocked and bewildered!

Poll: How would this story have played out differently if they’d told Mina about Dracula?

Rule: Always kill Dracula first

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BONUS - Beyond the Cabin Survived 2018

Your polterguides discuss our favorite movies of 2018, our least favs, and what we’re looking forward to in 2019. Also, we revisit Polterguides Donna’s aversion to sleeping with dead things. Is a hypothetical vampiric Oscar Isaac an exception to the rule? Listen and see!

#Donnadoesntsleepwithdeadthings

#macisnotopposed

#adreanisintoit

Episode 52 - Beyond Dracula (1931)

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond Dracula (1931)

Dracula Suite

Short little episode for our next Dracula Suite outing – 1931’s Dracula. Come for the bat puppet, stay for Bela Lugosi’s intense eyes.

Be sure to stick around for round two of Polterguide Marry/Fuck/Kill!

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: Tod Browning

Written by: Bram Stoker, Hamilton Deane, John L. Balderston

Released: 1931

Quote: Wine? I never drink… wine

Poll: Marry/fuck/kill: Dracula, Renfield, Harker

Rule: When the creepy guy envelopes you in his cape, stop trying to sell him a flower!

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Episode 51 - Beyond Nosferatu

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond Nosferatu

Dracula Suite

Join your polterguides as they delve into a movie with title cards and music that doesn’t know what’s going on. Also, a movie made in Germany in 1922 has some anti-Semitism? No way! #redwings #accusing_notcosigning

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: F.W. Murnau

Written by: Henrick Galeen

Released: 1922

Quote: Is this your wife? What a lovely…. throat

Poll: Would you offer yourself to Nosferatu?

Rule: Don’t forget the day cock!

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Episode 50 - Beyond Boys in the Trees

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond Boys in the Trees

For Christmas we bring you this episode about friendship.

CONTENT WARNING: there is discussion of suicide, sexual assault, bullying and other challenging subjects in this episode.

Because Merry Christmas?

This homage to the 90’s explores friendship and dreams and childhood. It’s not really a horror movie, no matter what Netflix says, but it’s a good film.

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: Nicholas Verso

Written by: Nicholas Verso

Released: 2016

BIG IMPORTANT SPOILERS IN THE RULE/POLL/QUOTE

STOP READING IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE MOVIE YET

Quote: You can’t have a good story without a dead body.

Poll: When did you realize Jonah was dead?

Rule: Don’t abandon your friend when he needs you.

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Episode 49 - Beyond Carrie (1976)

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond Carrie (1976)

The Stephen King Suite

In this episode, we learn where the Polterguides went to high school, how to keep up with pubic hair trends, and that Carrie White is a Targaryen – she destroys her enemies with fire and blood. #70sbush #somuchpubichair

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: Brian De Palma

Written by: Lawrence D. Cohen, Stephen King

Released: 1976           

Quote: Here little piggy... I'm gonna bash your little head in, and you don't have to worry about the bomb no more!

Poll 1: Could you have asked your significant other to take Carrie to the prom?

Poll 2: Who were you in high school, Carrie? Sue? Chris?

Rule: Just let it go.

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Episode 48 - Beyond Pet Sematary (1989)

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond Pet Sematary (1989)

The Stephen King Suite

We liked this movie but are angry that this is the movie that took Tasha Yar from us.  

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: Mary Lambert

Written by: Stephen King

Released: 1989

Quote: I played with Jud and I played with Mommy and now I wanna play with you.

Poll: How far back does the Sematary’s plan go?

Rule: Build a fence. If you live on a busy road where deadly fast trucks are zooming by and you can’t see them because them because of tree overgrowth and you’ve got small children who might run into the road without warning, build a fucking fence.

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Episode 47 - Beyond Creepshow

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond Creepshow

The Stephen King Suite

Your Polterguides took the opportunity to watch this 1982 anthology classic in a theatre on 35 mm and saved it for you as a special Halloween treat.

 IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: George A. Romero

Written by: Stephen King

Released: 1982

Rules:

Overall: Don’t be an abusive douchebag

Prologue: Be nice to your kids

Father’s Day: Forget your kids; get that cake

The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill: Just because it’s in your front yard doesn’t mean it’s worth anything

Something to Tide You Over: Don’t kill your spouse

The Crate: Kill your spouse as quickly as possible

They’re Creeping Up on You: Cleanliness is next to Godliness

Epilogue: Pick up Trash off the street

Quote:

Prologue: That’s why God made fathers, babe.

Father’s Day: Where’s my cake, Bedelia?

The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill: Meteor shit!

Something to Tide You Over: I can hold my breath for a long time!

The Crate: Well, two human beings and Wilma

They’re Creeping Up on You: Go out and fuck somebody, but wear a rubber, everybody’s got the herpes these days.

Poll: Rank the segments

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Episode 46 - Beyond Hallowen (2018)

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond Halloween (2018)

We take a break from our Stephen King Suite to give you an early Halloween present! Our take of Halloween (2018)! Listen while your Polterguides fangirl and fanboy all over this return to Haddonfield 40 years later and the badass Strode women.

Also, we discuss movie theatre etiquette and the purpose of the back row.

#JamieLeeCurtisISBruceWayne

#LeavingLaurieStrode

#PaulSimonofKillinFolk

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: David Gordon Green

Written by: David Gordon Green, Danny McBride, Jeff Fradley

Released: 2018

Quote: Have you ever really liked a girl and just couldn't have her?

Rule: Don’t try to understand Michael Myers

Poll: Do you think Anti-Loomis caused the crash?

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Episode 45 - Beyond It (1990)

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond It (1990)

The Stephen King Suite  

Your Polterguides go back to 1990 for the mini-series that spawned generations of clown phobia and one of Tim Curry’s most famous roles.

#johnboysmole

#BarkForUsClownDog!

#AllThingsServeTheBeam

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: Tommy Lee Wallace

Written by: Stephen King, Tommy Lee Wallace, Lawrence D. Cohen

Released: 1990

Quote: I’m a little old for monster-hunting, Bill!

Poll: Do you think the filmmakers knew that part 2 was weaker and they included more Tim Curry to counter-act that?

Rule:

For people in the movie: Don’t be brave.

For people watching the movie: Watch the movie to the end.

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Episode 44 - Beyond The Nun

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond The Nun

We take a break from our Stephen King Suite to take a request from a listener.

None of us liked this movie (Thanks, listener!) We do love us some Frenchy, though. Mary points the way or something. Really, we already took the hit. We watched it so you don’t have to!

 IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: Corin Hardy

Written by: Gary Dauberman

Released: 2018

Quote: Holy Mother of God… Frenchy!

Poll: Do you think they were trying to make a serious horror film or a campy horror film?

Rule: If you’re a benevolent, omnipotent deity, maybe don’t require perpetual adoration to keep evil at bay.

#demnunstho

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Episode 43 - Beyond Kubrick's The Shining, part 2

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond The Shining (1980) in our first two parter episode.

The Stephen King Suite

We pick back up with more discussion of Jack’s typed pages. We engage in a spirited discussion of Jack Torrance’s character. We have opinion’s of Kubrick’s treatment of Shelly Duval. Also, you can really tell who’s a writer and who’s not by how they react to Jack and Wendy!

Quote: You’ve always been the caretaker, sir.

Poll: Just how early in the movie has Jack gone crazy.

Rule: Don’t go rescuing white people who voluntarily check into the hotel for the winter.

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Episode 42 - Beyond Kubrick's The Shining, part 1

Beyond the Cabin in the Woods goes beyond The Shining (1980)

The Stephen King Suite

 The Shining: Love it? Hate it?

…So do your Polterguides.

We had a lot to say about Kubrick’s take on King’s classic novel.

Because we suffer for our craft, we also watched the “documentary” Room 237 – which is some crazy crazy stuff.

#purplepenes

#fiveboding

#teamKing

#teamKubrick

IMDB Synopsis

Directed by: Stanley Kubrick

Written by: Stanley Kubrick and Diane Johnson, “based” on the novel by Stephen King

Released: 1980

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